just want to say thank you to everyone for the crazy outpouring of kind messages.
your support seriously means a lot - all of you. i’m sorry i don’t respond to every message individually, though tomorrow i will work on that. today i am just focusing on staying off of my computer and doing productive things around the house.
guessing some of you have probably noticed an increased frequency of my depressively-introspective text posts
to give some insight/kinda lay it all out there - i’ve been struggling a lot recently with my mental health, and have also been dealing with a lot of issues in my personal life. my entire life has been filled with anxiety, but recently it has been amplified - and i have been battling with extreme anxiety/depression, self-harm, an eating disorder i’ve been in denial about, suicidal ideations, anger, and general hopelessness. this has been going on for quite some time, and over the past 6 months or so things have rapidly degraded until i basically reached a breaking point a few days ago.
i’ve been ashamed and embarrassed about the extent of my mental illness - but instead of continuing to pretend like everything is okay and feigning happiness on the outside, i’m finally confronting my illness(es) and have decided to seek help - something i’ve kind of been in denial about needing and have been avoiding for a really, really long time.
this also means i am taking a step back from travel modeling, as the therapy program i’m doing requires a year-long commitment. i have yet to decide if it will just be an extended break or if i’m quitting it altogether. either way, i will still model for/with select people - but i will not be doing long modeling trips/tours for the foreseeable future (besides a weekend trip to canada with jacs in decemeber).
i will still be active on here, and intend to use this break time to learn more about photography/get more into self-portraiture. i just won’t be traveling much for a good while.
this is a lot of info, but i felt the need to make this post - not only because people have been asking a lot about my mental stuff recently, but also because it’s good for me to admit this shit that i’ve been lying to myself about for a long time. i’m sick of living like this, and it’s time to turn this shit around.
to anyone else currently losing the fight against mental illness - it’s ok to ask for help. it’s not shameful, it doesn’t mean you’re weak, and it’s never too late.