dangerninja:

Danger Ninja / Cam Damage

Posting these all at once because I’m so glad I got to finally meet and shoot this beautiful woman.  Cam’s an incredible talent and just a lovely person and brilliant soul all around.  I fucking adore her.

<3<3<3 love these

just want to say thank you to everyone for the crazy outpouring of kind messages.

your support seriously means a lot - all of you.  i’m sorry i don’t respond to every message individually, though tomorrow i will work on that.  today i am just focusing on staying off of my computer and doing productive things around the house.

keep being awesome everyone, i love you all <3

guessing some of you have probably noticed an increased frequency of my depressively-introspective text posts

to give some insight/kinda lay it all out there - i’ve been struggling a lot recently with my mental health, and have also been dealing with a lot of issues in my personal life.  my entire life has been filled with anxiety, but recently it has been amplified - and i have been battling with extreme anxiety/depression, self-harm, an eating disorder i’ve been in denial about, suicidal ideations, anger, and general hopelessness.  this has been going on for quite some time, and over the past 6 months or so things have rapidly degraded until i basically reached a breaking point a few days ago.  

i’ve been ashamed and embarrassed about the extent of my mental illness - but instead of continuing to pretend like everything is okay and feigning happiness on the outside, i’m finally confronting my illness(es) and have decided to seek help - something i’ve kind of been in denial about needing and have been avoiding for a really, really long time.

this also means i am taking a step back from travel modeling, as the therapy program i’m doing requires a year-long commitment.  i have yet to decide if it will just be an extended break or if i’m quitting it altogether.  either way, i will still model for/with select people - but i will not be doing long modeling trips/tours for the foreseeable future (besides a weekend trip to canada with jacs in decemeber).  

i will still be active on here, and intend to use this break time to learn more about photography/get more into self-portraiture.  i just won’t be traveling much for a good while.

this is a lot of info, but i felt the need to make this post - not only because people have been asking a lot about my mental stuff recently, but also because it’s good for me to admit this shit that i’ve been lying to myself about for a long time.  i’m sick of living like this, and it’s time to turn this shit around.

to anyone else currently losing the fight against mental illness - it’s ok to ask for help.  it’s not shameful, it doesn’t mean you’re weak, and it’s never too late.  

Things have been falling apart slowly.
Now all at once.
And it’s too much.
Time for help.
Time for change.